Quarter life

I haven’t written in so long. I was worried that I ran out of words to say, or worse, that I had forgotten how to speak my mind.

I turned 25 in spectacular international waters, literally. I was in the ocean with my best friend and all I could think of was how lucky I am to live to see 25.

At 24, the first time I felt electric excitement on my birthday, I promised myself that I would try to find the magic every year and gift it to myself. All the birthdays before were a blur, I choose to start over every year now, a new me for every tour of the sun. If I look back and find myself unrecognisable then I’ve grown enough, and if I look back fondly then I’ve got no regrets.

I would like my life to be unrecognisable in the best ways when I turn 26. I will try and chase that magic and dive headfirst into whatever the tides bring, but this year feels and smells and tastes like hope. Until now I could somewhat see the horizon and know which way to swim, but one plane ride and two suitcases have left me swimming with no direction to go but forward. And right now I’m floating weightless with the warmth of the sun on my face, and for the first time in my living memory I feel no need to try and fight the current. I’m going with the flow.

I make a few promises to myself every year, to hold onto when the skies get cloudy and I can’t see beyond my feet. This year’s vows are to embrace this discomfort and dare to see what lies beyond, to dare to dream bigger than what I can see and hold. Close your eyes and take a deep breath, the magic is all around you.