Progress report

​Happiness is a lot harder than it seems

It’s not a competition but it feels like one

Sometimes you forget that you’re chasing

An idea that isn’t even yours

It’s what they told you it would be

So you looked endlessly

Mimicked the same paths and patterns

Made their mistakes and some of your own

Only to realise it was all a facade

Peace was always back home

I’ve always described my mind

As an entity separate from me

A vagabond butterfly

Wished she’d just settle down with me

Anxiety was a monster that I created 

Because I looked for happiness everywhere

In people and places

That meant I never found it where I was

Sprinkle some anxious attachment with

unaddressed self-esteem issues

And we have a recipe for disaster

All while tasting so fucking good

And when I found myself again

At the bottom of a familiar proverbial well

It was time to face the music

Self awareness is not the first step

Actually doing something about it is

I have a lot to lose now, but it’s not a competition

There is no trophy, no winners

It’s only me and I’ll say it again

for the first time in forever

I like where this is going

and who I’m going to be.